God, today has been depressing. The full weight of what I'm doing hit me. I realized that this is the first time in my life - and it very well may be the last - that I know what I will be doing 90 days ahead of time (Well, 87 now, but you know what I mean).
When have I ever had this kind of foresight before? When will I ever have it again? There are no answers to these questions. The day after I eat this sandwich is as strange and unknown to me as a strange and unknown void in the space-time continuum that mysteriously opens in my living room and might take me to the future or another world if I walk through it, but could also just kill me, obliterating the very matter of my existence molecule by molecule.
See now why today has been so hard? Who wants to think about voids opening up in their living rooms? Not me. I don't want to clean up after that mess.